Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
