Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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