What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
