lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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