my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Boobs speak an international language.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
