he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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