o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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