I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Fuck appropriateness.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
