similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
smell my finger.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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