Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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