You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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