He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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