when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
