I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
