I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
