I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
