He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
