Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
