The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
