If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
