You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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