Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
