just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
