Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
