I'm eating all of the evidence.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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