"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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