Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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