Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
we made out on top of his cat.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Randomize
