I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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