I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
