Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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