Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
