Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
