I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
