i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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