i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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