So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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