She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
