If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
