You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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