it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
