Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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