Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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