just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
