Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
organizing the empties. That sober.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
