In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
