i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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