i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
