Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
This is my gift to your gina
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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