You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
