I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
