I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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