it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
third nipple confirmed
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
