Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
