Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
