I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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