bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
