It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
