My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Randomize
