i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
