Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
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