Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
