what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
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My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
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At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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