i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
