I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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