Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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