THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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