I hate all girls vehemently.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
