We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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