Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
