i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
