I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
