life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
