I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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