then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
