We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
