is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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